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Now for some electrical engineering jokes,humor, funny slogans and such:
Q: What's the difference between an Electrical Engineer and a toilet?
A: The toilet only has to deal with one ass at a time.
Four engineers were sitting around one day trying to figure out who might have designed the human body. The first fellow said, "I think it might be a Mechanical Engineer, because of joints and muscle and sense of balance." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."
The second fellow said, "I think it might be an Electrical Engineer, because of the nervous system and neural network." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."
The third fellow said, "I think it might be a Chemical Engineer, because of hormonal balances and metabolism." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."
The fourth fellow snaps his fingers and shouts out, "I know, it HAD to have been a Civil engineer!" The other three ask "Why?"
"Well," replied the fourth fellow, "who else would put a waste water drainage right through a recreational area?"
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry standard.
They were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so that he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.
Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his throat. So they release the drunkard as well.
The engineer is next. He too, decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says, "Hey, I think the problem is that the cable is binding right here.... "
A mechanical, electrical and computer engineer were on their way to a meeting when suddenly the car in which they were riding broke down. "It's probably the cable that opens the valve on the carb has come loose, pop the hood and I'll have us back on the road in no time." quipped the mechanical engineer.
"I doubt it," replied the electrical engineer, "It has been observed that 83.2 % of similar failures result from the distributor contacts becoming corroded or misaligned, I'll clean the contacts and we'll be on our way."
"No, no, no!" cried the computer engineer "This car is equipped with a state of the art computer, what we need to do is turn the key off, all get completely out of the car, then get back in and it should start like normal."
What's your favorite analysis?
1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
-We still don't know what we're doing.
2. AN EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED TO OUTLINE A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
-We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
-We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
-It looks very hi-tech, but still doesn't work.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED, ASSURED
-We are so far behind schedule the customer will be happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
-The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
-We were so surprised the stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
-The only person who understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS
-It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT
-Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
-Let's spread the responsibility for the goof-up.
Three men: a project manager, a electrical engineer, and a mechanical engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.
The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.
Three freshman engineering students were sitting around talking between classes, when one brought up the question of who designed the human body.
One of the students insisted that the human body must have been designed by an electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses.
Another disagreed, and exclaimed that it had to have been a mechanical engineer who designed the human body. The system of levers and pullies is ingeniuos.
"No," the third student said "your both wrong. The human body was designed by an architect. Who else but an architect would have put a toxic waste line through a recreation area?"
10 Things Engineering School May Not have Taught You:
- There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
- Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
- Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
- Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
- Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
- Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
- Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
- Always try to fix the hardware with software.
- If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
- Dilbert is not a comic strip, it's a documentary.
Pick-Up Lines to use on Engineering Chicks
- I won't stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page.
- Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
- Wanna come back to my room and see my 166mhz Pentium
- How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
- You're sweeter than glucose.
- We're as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
- Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?
- Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.
- You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!
- My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package." The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?" And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."
There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing which was the oldest profession. The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.
The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.
The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"
One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest."
The man replied, "Okay, great!"
But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."
The engineers said, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"
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